Been a long, gay two years of slugging away on CIMs, 500 item buyer DD requests lists and bake-off materials. But none of that matters, because this shit (IB) sucks but I never have to do it again. I have formally signed my offer with a mega fund.
Later chodes, I'm going to shit in the urinal and delete the latest versions of all of your financial models on the way out.
Deuces,
Big League Marty
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“Thanks, Marty. Project HIPPOPOTAMUS looks like it’s coming back around so would be great if you could help out before you leave in two weeks. Will have the staffer reach out to give you an overview. Should be a quick refresh of the model and CIM, no more than 93 pages. Feel free to reach out with any questions, thx.” - your MD, probably
"Hey, MD. Project Lick-My-Balls-Im-Out is currently in full force and I will be leaving at 4:00PM today as well as each remaining day until I finally leave this hell hole for good. I'll catch Jared, the 28 year old dud of an Associate with a severely receding hairline, up on the project so he can takeover. He failed all his buyside interviews and will be an Associate here for another 5 years before he gets the message that he won't make VP and finds a Corp Dev role for $150K/year."
-Me, Big League Marty, the Destroyer of Chodes
Thank you for the heads up
Figured I'd warn the fellas that big waves are about to be made. Once I update my shit on LinkedIn it's straight up over for the rest of yall. Next I update my Hinge profile and you jokers can't even get a date in NYC until I've had my way with the bachelorettes of Manhattan.
Save some pussy for the rest of us G
I am a chode and I definitely got destroyed reading this post
Good work Cash Monies Marty. Make sure you upper decker the toilets and flip of the PAs as well on your last day.
P.S. Maybe a UK thing here but a chode is a fat d*ck. So saying you're the destroyer of chodes means something different to us UK folks.
Means the same thing here. Yeah it doesn’t make sense
IB chodes on life support rn
This is just an ad for insider risk management cyber
NOOOOOOOO NOT THE FINANCIAL MOOOOODELS
CHODEBROS, IS IT OVER FOR US?
lol. Welcome back at the bottom of the totem pole just when you thought you were a split hair above it with your upcoming associate promo
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