I can’t calm down unless I drink a ton of beer???
I used to be a VP at a tier II BB but was recently laid off because of market conditions. I keep drinking like 20 beers every day to calm down, and I smoke weed. I have a wife and two kids I want to ignore but they won't let me no matter how high I turn my music up and rock out.
I can't sleep unless I get black out drunk and do a ton of bong rips, I fall asleep and spill bong water on my wife and she wakes up screaming so I start smacking her. I hate my wife. I have to drink like 20 more beers when that happens.
My wife and kids make me drink 50 beers a day to calm down, I can't eat food I just have to drink beers and drive around in my car yelling and doing door dash. They make my life miserable.
The other day my kid asked me what an eclipse is and I just fucking walked out. I can't take this stupid shit anymore. I just want to listen to Poison and drink beers and smoke weed but I can't even do that with all this science bullshit, just fuck off.
I told my kids every day for the past year we live in a babadook house and every Tim Burton movie is real to prepare them for the divorce. I think if they think life is really scary they can handle it better.
I keep jumping out from behind things screaming and pointing a gun at them just to get them ready for how scary and unexpected life can be, so they can be ready when I abandon them. My wife however...
I want to drink 100 beers a day for the rest of my life with my bong and music no wife no kids. I showed my wife Dante's Peak and told her that can really happen, any mountain can be a volcano and it freaked her out so bad she stopped talking to me. Epic win.
Everyone tells me I'm really good at brainwashing people. I brainwashed this girl at my tier II BB into reporting me to HR for being drunk all the time so I wouldn't have to work there anymore. It worked. Sometimes I think about brainwashing my wife and kids into drowning in the hot tub.
Anyone know how I can drink even more beer and reach even further levels of calm? I already smoke weed.
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